Food and F***ing

What you eat can be the ultimate reason you want sex – or don’t want sex – with your life partner on any given day. Food can have effects on how you physically feel, how you psychologically feel, how you look, how you think you look, how you smell and how you-think-she-thinks you smell.

That’s a lot to handle. You best have a grasp of what you eat over the course of the day if you plan to have sex with her, especially if your sex life isn’t as healthy as you wish it was.

Some foods can have a positive effect. Some foods can have no effect. Unfortunately, many of the tasty or quick ones may have a negative effect on your desire for sex. And I’m not referring to a change in a man’s libido; the physiological changes that occur when you eat a particular food. Instead, I am referring to how you feel your look, your scent and even your taste will be perceived by your partner.

Evidently, the closer that food is consumed to that crossroads of to have sex or not to have sex, the greater the effect.

Here are my tips on foods to avoid and foods to consume to build your confidence, desire and sexual relationship with your special someone. There is little science behind my list; this is mostly based on my personal experience and perceptions:

Foods to Avoid

Fried foods
I can confirm that fried foods have definitely had negative effects on my sex drive. I know this for one simple reason; I have never felt good about myself after eating French fries, corn dogs, or chicken nuggets.

Not only are they often served in too-large portions (or just too easy to “just have a few more”), but the grease I consumed weighs heavy on my body, drains my energy, and makes me feel like the oil is seeping through my pores and stinking up the whole room I am in. Needless to say, all these are elements which wouldn’t ignite my desire for a sexy night with my woman.

High carbohydrate content (late)
Carbs, even the good ones like pastas, breads and rice, are a double-edged sword. They provide energy and are recommended for people who will partake in a demanding physical activity. However, they have to be consumed in regular portion (roughly the size of one fist for pasta servings) and 2-4 hours before the activity. Let’s be honest, if you’re going to an Italian restaurant, you’re likely having the opposite; 2-4 fist-sized servings about one hour before the activity. This will likely make you feel bloated and sleepy, and will convince you to have sex tomorrow/some other time.

High salt content
Foods covered in salt also can create the effect of bloating. Even if you’re eating veggies, if those mushrooms and peppers are drenched in salt, you will be retaining more water than usual (the natural effect of salt), which will likely make you feel bigger in all the wrong areas. Furthermore, salt makes you very thirsty, giving you the impression that you have dry-mouth – another turn off for yourself for wanting to make love to your woman.

Smelly foods
This is a given, right? It’s difficult to feel sexy with onion or garlic breath. Beyond the overly-evident ones, even hot dog breath can be a sex drive killer. Your woman may even tell you. Face-to-face closeness during intercourse is a large contributor to the passion that can be built between two people, but it is difficult to get carried away in the moment if the scent of your breath is at the back of your mind.

Gas-generating foods
Beans comes to mind, but everyone’s body is different. You know your body, or at the very least, you should start studying it. Know what makes you gassy. It is very difficult to be confident when you’re naked if your body is building up gas while you’re in very vulnerable positions. I agree, it’s actually pretty funny to think about. But we’re building your sex drive here, so get passed the humour… at least for now.

Semen-killers
Ok, “killers” is over-the-top. I’m not actually talking about those foods which allegedly reduce your sperm count, but rather those that negatively affect its taste and scent for your woman. Again, confidence comes into play. You will more easily get carried away with the moment if you are confident that your taste is more pleasant (or less unpleasant for some). The foods I have been told that negatively change the taste of semen happen to be the same ones that I believe give of my urine a distinct odour, like asparagus, broccoli, and citric acids. Well… aren’t I just sharing EVERYTHING today.

Overeating
This is the ultimate sex-drive killer. Overeating has physical, physiological and psychological effects on my body, and has led me to put off sex more often than any other aspect of my life. My perceived sex appeal decreases because I feel my stomach is rounder and i think it looks like its laying over the top of my pants. Suddenly, I also feel like i developed actual man boobs, that were not there before dinner. Further, my insides are making noises, and that is just going to ruin the mood when things get quiet.

I’m just going to go to bed. I’ll have sex with her tomorrow.
 

Foods to Consume

High in protein (meats, fish)
Once you get passed the fact that meats and fish don’t need to be fried to be tasty, a delicious piece of grilled chicken, oven-baked ­salmon or barbecued trout nourishes my body, keeps me awake, eliminates my hunger, and keeps my energy levels high. Furthermore, a good dose of lean protein makes me feel like I’ve eaten foods that contribute to my muscle mass rather than my waistline. Let’s be honest, there’s no actual difference. Who cares, it’s a great way to start feeling good before getting naked.

Veggies
Whether they are grilled, boiled, baked or raw (careful with the dip though!), vegetables makes us feel like we’re doing something good for our bodies. Couple it with some tasty salads dressed with olive oil or balsamic vinegar, and you’re on your way to a confident night with your lady. And for those who don’t like vegetables, picture it as sacrificing taste in return for rewarding your body and your partner.

Fruits
There are lots of natural sugars in fruits, I know, I know. But natural sugars are different from those found in a Duncan Hines cake and they are easier to burn. If you’re in the mood for a romantic night, you will likely be burning calories for some time as well. So when comes time for the dessert platter, consider the fruit. You can have a couple of Ferrero Rocher chocolates after sex, it’s a great way to re-reward yourselves.

Dark chocolate
Speaking of chocolate, start loving dark chocolate. Not only will she love it. Not only is it delicious. Not only does it satisfy your sweet-tooth without over-consuming. But it also makes the taste of your semen more enjoyable for her…. If she’s into that kind of stuff.

Light cheeses
Ever have someone ask you this question: “if you had to give up one of the following – cheese or receiving oral sex – for the rest of your life, which would you choose?” Most people start with the thought of cheese, but then start thinking of how pizza would never taste the same again. Cheese is delicious, but some of the intense cheeses fall in the smelly food category, which is a no-no. So have some cheese with your woman, and make it a light one like cheddar, mozzarella, brie or bocconcini.

Whole wheat
If you’re forced to have carbs in the evening, fine, you can succumb, but make it whole wheat. Frankly, whole-wheat goods can differ in calorie count, in fact, some whole wheat goods (like breads) may actually have higher calories and be equal in other nutrients as its white-bread brother. Whole wheat is all about perception for me. I feel like I’m doing something better for my body therefore I AM doing something better for my body. I can get naked now. Come over here woman.

Smaller (normal) portions
Ah, the North American enemy; a regular, standard portion. This is a game changer. Our brain requires time to register the fact that our hunger is satisfied. This means that we can decrease our odds of overeating by eating slowly and avoid that awful feeling when we regretfully place our palms at the top of our stomach, right at the dinner table. When I believe I can have a great night ahead with my woman, I like to eat like if I was to play a sport later that evening. I want to feel like I will be at the apex of my physical health… of the last 24 hours (let’s be realistic here, most of us aren’t fine-tuned athletes). I want to feel as good as I have felt since yesterday, and that will give me the confidence and desire to engage in some good sex.

Confession

Is it too late to say I am not a nutritionist? You may have already known this because some of the assumptions I have made about food might be scientifically wrong. But as you can see, for me, food is all about feeling and perception.

Therefore, I am not recommending this as a daily diet. These are my recommendations for men who are struggling to maintain a healthy sex drive and are determined to turn things around in their life. On a given day where you plan to have sex with your woman, these are logical tips that are worth trying, so that you can knock down yet another obstacle to having the sex you want.

Fighting Fatigue: You must want… to want sex.

Fatigue is a plague that can gradually terrorize men’s sex lives. It seems to get worse as we get older. We become busier, with longer days, more responsibility, more stress, and more pressure. Add to this; we believe that we generate less energy for ourselves with each day we get older. The term “burning the candle at both ends” is constantly used to describe our lifestyles. We learn to prioritize our weeknights based on a productivity-to-energy required ratio, putting work, emails, dinner, cleaning, sleeping and even “the big game” before sex, which falls to the bottom of the to-do list because it requires time and energy.

Ok, the picture I have painted is bleak, but it is not so uncommon.

The perks to a healthy sex life are aplenty; the most fun being how enjoyable sex can be, and the most important being how it strengthens the connection between you and your partner. But similar to any personal well-being goal you may have – whether it is to lose weight, to increase daily physical activity or to quit smoking – it requires a commitment and some legitimate effort.

Get over the hump

It is generally-accepted knowledge that sex between a couple leads to the desire for more sex between them. Yes, it is essentially like a drug. Except it’s a healthy drug, which you take together, and has positive benefits on your life and on your relationship.

But it is also far too easy for a long-time couple living together, with busy lifestyles, to get into a rut where sex is not a priority and desire diminishes. The uninspiring “we’ll do it tomorrow” turns to the day after, to the following week, to who knows when.

There’s only one real way to get over that hump and get your sex life going again. You actually have to want… to want sex. Once you’re set on wanting it, you can take the measures to build up the energy you need for your sex life to flourish.

Sacrifice Sleep

Many people can only make the time for sex at night before bed. The problem is that the later it gets, the more fatigue kicks in, and the higher the likelihood that sex is put off to another time for an extra 30 minutes of sleep.

If you want a healthy sex life, you have to be ready to sacrifice some sleep, some times. If sleep is important for your brain, well sex is important for your heart. You certainly won’t feel any different the next morning, whether you slept 5 hours and 15 minutes, or 5 hours and 45 minutes. But what can I say about how you’ll feel before going to bed if you sacrifice some 30 minutes or so with your loved one. I bet you pass out easily right after too…

Morning Quickies

The occasional morning quickie starts your day off in a great way – and, for you productivity masters, it has a tremendous cost-benefit ratio!

The morning quickie before work is an innately comprehended entente between two consenting lovers that foreplay will be nullified (this time) and the purpose is about simultaneously feeling good for a short while, and then starting off a fantastic day.

It also takes the fatigue factor out of the equation. As long as you sacrifice the snooze button. There’s no way the snooze button is worth more than making love to your woman. You have to want… to want sex.

Sex in the morning almost makes you feel like you’re doing something illegal – There’s a lot more light than you’re used to, you’re under time pressure to finish (as opposed to time pressure to keep it going), and there’s a small part of you that wonders if people will know or be able to tell. Truthfully, nobody is even paying enough attention to you to care if you did or not, but even so, you’ll feel so good about yourself, you might just think they do care.

And on the odd time that the morning quickie turns into a longer, passionate encounter, is there a better reason in the world to be late for work? It’s a lot better use of your time than sleeping in.

On a schedule? Not time to be tired!

I understand the need for some long-time couples to have “sex days” scheduled because of their busy lifestyles. It removes some of the spontaneity, but, at the same time, they are making an effort to make sex a part of their relationship. If it works for you, I fully understand.

If you are in this type of scenario though, you have to make it right. And that means to prepare adequately beforehand. You KNOW you’re going to have sex, so DO NOT get tired. A common trait in men which leads to fatigue is to over-eat. That is the green kryptonite to your sex drive. If you feel bloated, you definitely won’t feel at the apex of your sex appeal, and chances are you will feel tired. “Sex night” is a good night to have a regular, normal sized portion of healthy foods which will make you feel right before you make her feel right.

Watching TV after dinner can also increase your lazy-levels. If you start shutting your eyes during an episode of The Big Bang Theory, you’re essentially done for the night. Your priorities will shift from sex to getting to bed without opening your eyes, because the “sleep zone” you’re in is just so sweet.

Fight fatigue on scheduled sex nights. You have no choice.

The Crossroads

Of course, there are 100+ ways to spark a sexy evening with your woman, and there are 1000 sites that will give you tips on how to do that. But before you get there, you have to fight the fatigue. You have to want to want sex. The “I’m tired” excuse can quickly become a go-to for men as they get older, and avoiding that routine is key to keeping a healthy sex drive. 

You know the precise moment when you turn that fatigue corner and essentially decide, internally, that there will be no push to have sex that evening. The next time you reach that crossroads, think of all the guys you know who just wish they were having sex with someone tonight. Better yet, think back of nights, years back, when you wished you could have sex, but instead you went to bed alone. And then look at your woman and don’t think twice. Do it.

The Naked Truth

I turned 30 years old the second I turned 28. All of a sudden, so much of my surrounding environment became about “getting close to the ‘Big 3-0’”. It started with my family and friends, the people I care most about in my life. Then, it was almost always followed up with an even worse cliché of “30 is the new 20”. Nobody wants to hear that. Yet their comments had some degree of effect, and was reflected in my self-perception.

Suddenly, I was creating unrealistic life goals I should be achieving before that magic milestone, comparing my professional, personal and social settings to where I expected myself to be when I thought about my thirties many years ago.

One aspect that crossed my mind was my sex life. I never researched this concept of men hitting their sexual peak at 18, but enough people had claimed it, so I believed it. What crossed my mind next was something along the lines of:

“I can’t believe I will never desire sex more than when I was 18. Or wait, does it mean that I will never be better at sex than when I was 18?” My biggest concern was that I was a virgin at 18.

I still didn’t look into it any more. I just accepted it.

I was single for most of the year I was 28, and all of the year I was 29. During this seemingly endless period, I had some “dating-relationships” (that limbo period where you’re exclusive to each other but not ready to announce it to anyone) with two women (at different times) which led to semi-regular sexual encounters. I felt like my sex drive was ok. I wanted sex, but everything else could get in the way. Time, fatigue, availability and convenience were all reasons for me not to have sex.

It was ok with me, I was getting older, years beyond my believed sexual prime, my testosterone level was decreasing slightly year after year, so it all made sense. I just accepted it.

And then I turned 30, and something changed. The best part, is that I know what it is, and it’s something I can actually explain.

My body and mind finally understood that sexual prime is not just physical, but also highly psychological.

Sounds abstract, I know. That’s the point of my blog. Every entry and subject is my attempt to explaining the psychological change that occurred in me (and can occur in all men), that I believe can help men regain their sexual desire and confidence once again.

Confidence is a big one. And it’s a two-way street. Confidence in yourself and confidence in your significant other. In fact, confidence can be a blog of its own.

In a nutshell, my first piece of advice is strictly for you: It’s time to start liking yourself, naked.

I get it. It’s a little out of left field, probably too common a piece of advice and it’s much easier said than done.

In reality, it is just a first step in the right direction. And it’s a great place to start, in order to get your sex drive going with your partner again.

Most people hate more parts of their appearance than they like. But that has nothing to do with liking yourself in the nude. In fact, it doesn’t even have anything to do with getting in better shape. It has nothing to do with your confidence in pleasing a woman sexually. Nor does it have anything to do with your size, your ability to maintain a position, your capacity to withstand quick ejaculation, or anything that guys make fun of each other about in a locker room.

The confidence I am speaking about is being genuinely comfortable with your naked body. You don’t have to love every body part. You never will. But you can work at accepting the total package and being comfortable enough about your nude look, to the point where you almost forgot you have no underwear on.

Self-confidence can be a major roadblock to getting naked, which is how most people have sex, I believe. It’s inevitable, people have insecurities about their naked appearance, including your partner. I have many myself. But as a whole, I have accepted what I look like and my partner has done an amazing job at expressing her acceptance as well. It’s a two-way street.

Removing that roadblock can be a game changer in your relationship’s sex life. But it is massive. And it is teamwork. You have to make your partner so comfortable about their appearance, that there is no roadblock to them desiring you and acting on that desire. And they need to do the same for you.

No woman has ever told me to put my clothes back on. I have never told a woman to put her clothes back on.

Whatever naked body part I wasn’t not confident about has never stopped her from having sex with me once I’m naked. And whatever she is wasn’t confident about, I never noticed until she told me. I just wanted her body and close as possible to mine. And I still do.

Once the confidence barrier is broken down, there’s very little that can stop you from having an amazing encounter with your partner. The truth is, it’s time to start liking yourself, naked.

the blog – described

This blog isn’t about getting women to sleep with you. It’s about getting you to thrive for a healthy sexual relationship with your woman.

This blog isn’t about making you last longer in bed. It’s about extending your sex drive, and ways to avoid weeks without sex with your loved one.

This blog certainly isn’t for the man who wants to sleep with a different woman every night. It’s for the man who wants to find ways to keep his sex life active with the woman he loves.

I’m 30. I’m a marketing manager and for all intents and purposes, I live a normal life with a middle-class salary and no particular outstanding skill that would make me more qualified to write this blog than you.

However, it was following “common knowledge” (of sorts) that motivated me to launch this:

• The common belief among most doctors is that men reach their sexual peak at the age of 18.
• Men lose erection strength as they get older.
• Testosterone plays an important role in sex drive and energy, but as men get older, their testosterone levels decline about one percent a year after age 30.
• Men’s sexual interest drops as they get older, playing an important role on their life happiness.

Many have tried to counter these claims with studies of their own. Frankly, I’m no scientist. All I know is that I’m 30, and I would love to continue loving sex.

So this blog is about finding small, realistic ways to battle the obstacles put before us men in our 30s, that apparently would prevent us from living a healthy sex life going forward.

I am 30 and I am having a healthy sexual relationship with a woman a care greatly for. Fatigue is not an issue. Desire is not an issue. Finding time is an issue, but taking the time never is.

Read on for an honest and modest view of a healthier sex drive for us men who are decades past the claimed “sexual peak age”.